Night Thoughts 1

Pic reflects very much my current mood;

Just listening to this and felt suddenly emotional so trying to capture that down.

I must admit I feel very lost at this juncture in time, I feel like the world is heading in a very dark direction, kind of like a premonition type of feeling, a kind of dread, I think all the recent events in the UK and the world over are again hitting home more, the bombings, the division, our splintering off from the EU, I foresee dark things on the horizon and I hope I am wrong but it feels like war is coming, maybe sooner, maybe later, maybe another small scale conflict, maybe something bigger and more globe consuming. I worry too much probably and these are just late night thoughts so bound to be filled with melodrama but I get that feeling you get when you live in history sometimes that something large, and dark like a storm cloud is approaching us, I do hope I am wrong… It is probably just that death lingers near with with the recent death of my cousin, my loneliness and isolation from the world also grows, my separation from love becomes more pronounced and feels more solid, in some ways I have good friends around me, I have a better relationship with my mum now which is brilliant as there was a time where the distance between us hurt and our friendship got cold, I’ve had recent romantic failures but really nothing new there but yeah a general feeling of gloom persists in my mind and won’t shift, I wish it would.

In terms of failed romances I have a kind of armour against that now I spose, so it doesn’t hurt too much, more a general annoyance at how much I am often taken for granted at times, I’m not perfect, but I am perfectly flawed I think in my way. I am sure I’ve done the same to others in my past too with regards to heartache, we’re all flawed and love is no different, I think where love springs from defines how it ends or endures.

I really want to believe I can save everyone again, make a change for the better, it’s easy to lose faith in anything getting better when the lights dim. Sorry for this absolute nerd splurge. Time to sleep. I need direction, I need something to believe in…. i feel very much like an old soul in a 31 years old body, it’s a strange thing but I have always felt older than I was in the physical, anyway goodbye for the night.

Yours

The lad in the North or England and King of Nothing.

Yours

The lad in the North or England and King of Nothing.